The surgical approach to reasoning

So, I haven't had a chance to post in awhile.  I started my surgery clerkship on Monday, and it's been solid 14-hour days straight, starting around 4:30am!  I've really been dreading this rotation, which is one of the major reasons I opted to do it early.  Patrick had to listen to me whine about it for a solid month, and it hadn't even started yet!

Basically each student gets assigned to a different service- plastic surgery, orthopedics, pediatrics, trauma, etc.  Well, I got assigned to cardiothoracic surgery, and it doesn't have a great reputation because of the grueling hours, long surgeries and hard-core doctors.  So I was really, really anxious about this, even though I knew it'd make me a better doctor in the end and possibly help me if I go into cardiology.

So the first few days weren't fantastic.  It's not fun waking up at 3:30am or being grilled about chest tube leaks or the innominate vein (I did not get that question right).  It's REALLY not fun getting on the nurses' black list because it's your first day and you don't know where your patient is in pre-op.

Anyway, today was actually better than I could've imagined any of this going.  No, it wasn't even a "good" day, relatively speaking, but for the first time I came home and thought, today wasn't terrible.

I'm PSYCHED!

No joke.

Anyway, I won't go into detail, but I had another epiphany in the OR (standing around for 6 hours, you have a lot of time to just think).  Standing next to the surgeons, I had a great view of the surgical field.  I saw something that was concerning, but I wasn't sure.  I was torn between staying quiet and not interrupting and not risking offending the doctors, and asking about it.

Before all of this, I was totally the person who just lets stuff go.  I'm SO bad about not telling people there is food on their face and stuff like that- I don't want to offend them (but I'd want them to tell me...so yes, I'm hypocritical).

Anyway, I reflected on this briefly (not long enough to be life-threatening or anything!), and I remembered something from OBGYN.  A pregnant woman asked a doctor about what she could or couldn't do during pregnancy, and the OB told her that most things are probably ok, but to always keep the future in mind.  If your child is born with an extra finger, are you going to blame yourself for having that one glass of wine?

I would.  So I reasoned that if something happened to the patient and I hadn't said anything, I would have blamed myself and always questioned whether or not I could have prevented a problem.

Anyway, without revealing too much: I mentioned it, it wasn't "well-received," but then it was addressed.  I will never know if that made a difference, but I know there were some problems near the end that I might have questioned myself on.  I'm not sure I would have been able to sleep at night if I hadn't, but thankfully I'm guilt-free.