it's all about compatibility

So I keep seeing eHarmony commercials on TV and I realized I hadn't really blogged about my online dating experience.  I am the LEAST adventurous person I know and swore I'd never do it, but I caved (it was a New Years' resolution, probably the first that was successful).  And I still can't believe that it worked out so well for me.

It started over Christmas break last year; I saw a commercial for another dating site and joined.  My dear friend Jen seemed appalled that I hadn't joined eHarmony, and convinced me to try that instead.  (I ended up paying for both sites.)  Anyway, the first week was exciting, getting messages and whatnot, but it started to wear off.  It almost felt like being in a bar but from the comfort of my own apartment.  I even felt awkward not responding to messages, like I was personally deflating their egos.

A month or so later, I got a canned message from this guy named Patrick from Savannah (I still give him a hard time about not being very personal on the first one, but he still argues that he didn't want to mess anything up).  As horrible as it sounds, I saw his job and had it been anything else I probably wouldn't have kept reading (sorry sweetie!).  Having gone through most of my adult life so far surrounded by public safety people, I think I'm still drawn in that direction even though many of them probably aren't relationship material (first- and second-hand experience cited).

Well, it worked out.  We emailed for a few weeks, then talked on the phone.  I think this lengthy (well, relatively speaking) period of communication was really important and one of the reasons why it's worked out so well. I was still scared to death on our first date that he'd be a serial killer, so I had a bunch of people on standby just in case.  He drove to Charleston and we spent a wonderful afternoon downtown.  (Pretty sure he's not a serial killer.)

AND he's got a swoon-worthy uniform!

I keep telling him that I can't believe it worked out like this for us.  Being a med student with little time and no money, I'm not an ideal candidate after first glance.  But I'm so lucky to have found a guy who not only doesn't mind that I'm always busy or complaining endlessly about school, or that I have a crazy dog and cat, he embraces it and loves me for it!  It's been almost six months of "official" dating and I don't think he's ever said "no" or "why" when I ask him to do something for me.

This year and the next few years are probably going to be the toughest in my life, but it is so much more bearable knowing that I have such a wonderful support system- between Patrick and the rest of my family behind me 200%.  But really- Patrick, you really don't know what you're in for :).

The craziest part about this whole thing is that HE still thinks he's the luckier one!

Best advice

If only...

Tried clicking on this link and it DIDN'T work.  It would've made the next few years WAY easier :).

No second chances

So I definitely had another revelation today.  It's been shown that medical students are the most cynical and least altruistic during their third year.  Having spent a lot of time in the field, I definitely had my period of complete bitterness and misanthropy as a paramedic, but now that I've already hit that period I thought I wouldn't go through it again.  I think that everyone in the medical field, at some point early in his or her career, experiences this common feeling of frustration: the system is messed up, and it needs to be fixed.  And everyone is right, except that really, it can't be fixed.

So again, I thought I was done with that.  I'd moved on, accepted the fact that I can't really change the big picture, that I need to just focus on my own patients.  Most importantly, I have to accept what they tell me- regardless of my feelings or opinions- except in absolutely definitive and obvious cases.  And it took several years and thousands of patients to get to that point.

Anyway, this evening I realized that I'm just as cynical as I was at my lowest point and I couldn't figure out why. Walking around with Bandaid, while trying to keep him from bolting at the several groups of people he was madly barking at, I figured it out.

Really it started with me trying to figure out why people keep walking toward me and Bandaid when he is growling and barking and acting vicious, obviously making it extremely difficult for me and putting them at risk for a nasty bite (which they may or may not deserve).  Or why someone gets startled when he barks, even though he or she knows a dog is right there.  Why are these actions repeated over and over again, when they know what the potential consequences are??

It suddenly struck me.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

I freaking get it.  My cynicism has NOTHING to do with medicine, it's with people in general.  When people are hurt or sick, they come to the hospital.  It may just be a cold, but they haven't studied medicine intensively like I have.  I can't justify getting frustrated with someone who doesn't know that it's just a cold and that antibiotics won't help at all.  You can't fault the child who reaches up to the boiling pot of water and burns his hand the first time- because usually it's his last.

But when someone does something absolutely stupid, knowing that it will lead to something else that is stupid, I get frustrated.  If you don't do your homework, don't be surprised when you fail the class.  If you walk into traffic, don't be surprised when you get hit by a car.  If you bungee jump off of a bridge, you can't really be surprised if the cord breaks.  If you snort cocaine, you're probably going to overdose or die of a heart attack.  People are conditioned to NOT do stupid things from the day they are born, yet they continue to do it.

But as a medical student, I'm expected to get everything right the FIRST time.  Even if I haven't seen it before.  Imagine a doctor who sends a patient home with a heart attack.  And then does it again.  And again.  This would absolutely never happen.  An attending can justifiably yell at a student or intern for doing something incorrectly even if it's the first time he or she has seen it or done it.

Guess that's why perfectionists go into professions where you don't get second chances.

It could always be worse.

So when I have a bad day at school (well, work now), I like to go home and google things that I will be able to afford in 20 years.  These days I'm looking at gorgeous houses, looking for ideas for my own.  I'd love to be able to design my own.  I was going to post some of the prettiest, but I'm finding so many ridiculous ones I have to share those first.

carpeted bathroom...and a lot of other problems

I'm not really sure I understand this tub.  Maybe the owner has a horse?

 this is in a $500,000 house

I don't really understand this either.  And it's definitely not a woman's bathroom because there's no storage space.

Um...there are no words.

This is DEFINITELY worse than anything I've ever done.

This looks like it should be in the White House or something.  What's up with the teeny-tiny sconces, the huge pillars, the randomly-placed urn, the tiny dining room table, that horrible carpet, the magenta paint that's about two shades off from the rug, and that ridiculous American flag thing???

How fun would it be to watch someone fall down these steps??

The Poor Medical Student

So I know that in 10 years I'll have more money than I'll know what to do with, but right now things are tight.  It's not a big deal- I'm sacrificing on some things so I can have other things (like a 2 bedroom apartment, which is more than I need, but just what I want).  Here are some of the humorous and/or crazy ways I save money these days:

• Costco: can it get much better than a 24 pack of toilet paper for like $8??  Mostly I get paper towels.  Between Bandaid and Patrick I go through a LOT.
• Doing my own hair: I used to spend $150 every other month for a cut and color.  Now I get the box from CVS for $10 (and then use coupons to cut it down to about $2).  I get an actual haircut every 2 years now, and in between I thin it out with a razor.  Yep, a razor.
• Using Ebates.  By the way, if you decide to sign up for it, please refer me- we'll both benefit.  This website gives you cash back when you buy online..anywhere from 1% to 15%.  Examples: Modcloth (3.5%), Nordstrom (5%), Barnes&Noble (6%) and a whole bunch of other sites.  I've earned $85 to date just buying online!!
• Cash back credit cards: my Chase Freedom card gets me 5% back on gas right now (commuting from SC to GA for 6 weeks earned me a bunch of cash) and 1% on every other purchase.  I got my first credit card when I was 18, and have never paid interest.  I've probably earned over $1000 in cash rebates since then.
• Powdered milk.  It lasts FOREVER.
• Keeping bread in the fridge.  People either hate this or love this.  I am indifferent but broke, so it stays in the fridge.
• Couponing.  Ok, I'm not very good, but I'm all about saving a dollar here and there. 
• Light bulbs: every light that I use has one of those super-long-lasting twisty bulbs.  Just don't get the daylight ones for the bathroom: you'll either die from the brilliant burst of eye pain just after waking up or seeing every single pore on your face.
• Using contacts way too long.  So this one is bad, I know.  I've had a corneal ulcer from wearing them at night so I'm well aware of the dangers.  But a 6 month supply is about $300.  So by wearing each pair twice as long, it's now $300 for the year.  Plus this year I cheated the system and got an extra 6 months without going to the ophthalmologist, saving me a $200 appointment (my insurance doesn't cover it).
• Bandaid toys: ok so sometimes I splurge on him.  Ok well, a lot.  But I also give him things like old socks and toilet paper roll cardboard thingies and it keeps him busy for HOURS.  And it's FREE!  I also cut up an old pair of jeans and made a chew toy out of them.
• Reusing plastic grocery bags.  For EVERYTHING.  And when my apartment complex ran out of doggie bags and briefly switched to small trash can liners instead, I stocked up on those too (I know, I'm terrible).
• Taking free food.  Med school and apartment living provide lots of opportunities.  I like to stock up on sealed items.
• Washing water bottles and reusing them.
• Coke points.  Yep, those stupid codes on code bottle lids.  I enter every single one.  And I get coupons for more free coke.  Hooray!
• Not going to the doctor.  It is so freaking expensive!  So unless I absolutely have to go, I don't.  I figure when I get better insurance in 2 years I'll start going again.  I feel fine at least....
• Picking up pennies: yes, if I'm not in a hurry I'll stop for a penny.  I'll ALWAYS stop for a dime, though.  Two years ago I found a $20 bill in a parking lot at school and went to security asking what to do with it (yes, I did).  He told me to go donate it.  (I donated it to Amanda's school fund.)
• Over-utilizing the shopping cart feature on websites: so I love online shopping.  But it's usually stuff I don't want.  So I'll put it in the shopping cart.  About one out of every ten items I'll go back and actually purchase, but this has saved me a CONSIDERABLE amount of money.  I still feel that rush of "kind of" buying something.
• LISTS!  If you know me well, you know I can't do anything without a list.  If it's not on the shopping list, 99% of the time it won't be purchased.
• Intently focusing on gas mileage.  My CRV has this horrible feature that shows how much gas you're using at THAT MOMENT and also the average since you last reset the odometer.  (Patrick significantly lowers these numbers when he drives my car.)  Anyway, I set goals like trying to average around 28mpg by not using the AC and accelerating gently.  My grandfather drilled those things into my head (and other things like not slamming car doors).
• The best one: FAMILY!  My grandparents are amazing and send me some money each month, and my mom visits on occasion and helps get groceries and makes food that lasts me awhile so I don't have to buy any.  This is by far the most helpful :)

One last anecdote: 

In college I lived in a dorm for only one year.  But they had maid service that restocked and cleaned, so each week I would steal a roll or two of toilet paper.  After that, I didn't buy toilet paper for over a year.  I feel like I got my $600 worth that I paid for parking that year, even though it was one-ply.

So I haven't really blogged about my clinical experience so far.  It's difficult to bring up issues that I find at work, without violating privacy or sounding like an obnoxious medical student.

I think two big issues have become evident, and they are pretty general.  The first is plain old kindness.  I've been in both shoes: being on the patient side of things, as well as the doctor side.  From a patient's point of view, I think the most important attribute a physician can have is kindness.  Empathy is important, but I think if a doctor isn't innately kind you can't truly be empathetic (and it's obvious when it's fake).  Knowledge is important, but you can train anyone to be a doctor- and you can Google or refer anything.  But over the past month, I've found that this is a two-way street.  The patient has to be kind, too.  I understand that many people in a hospital are at a low point in their life, but being rude or ungrateful can have a negative effect on a provider.

When I know that I'm about to go see an angry patient, everything in me wants to run out the door and back home.  I try not to let it affect me, but I definitely feel more inclined to help and work with a patient who isn't judgmental or impatient or rude.  As a paramedic, I saw this type of patient every day, but I could drop them off at a hospital and never see them again.  I didn't have to see them over and over for chronic problems like I do now.  Anyway, if you find yourself getting upset with a physician, take a step back: is this doctor tired or overworked?  Who else has this doctor had to deal with today?  Am I doing everything the doctor says to do, and nothing of what the doctor says not to do?

I can't even honestly say that I'm a good patient or never demanding.  But being on the other side, I know how much else there is to deal with.

The other big topic I've found that is lacking is family support.  I'm not really sure what we as clinicians can do to improve this, other than to increase awareness among family members.  I wish I could tell the story of a patient I saw today, who, like many other patients, emotionally needs support from those close to her.  Imagine being in the hospital without family or friends.  Or having major life-saving surgery and not getting any flowers or visitors.

I could only imagine how terrible that would be.  I know how important the patient's optimism and mental state is to the success of a surgery, as well as throughout the healing process.  It has to be detrimental to feel utterly alone during the toughest part of one's life.  Who doesn't want to wake up from anesthesia surrounded by those you love??  And the biggest question is who doesn't want to be there for a loved one??

Anyway, these are things I have little control over.  But seeing it from the other side makes me more aware as a patient and as a family member.