It's a pretty funny story, as my mom and sister will corroborate. Strangely, I had enough wherewithal to take pictures and have odd (and sometimes logical) thoughts during this particularly agonizing situation (guess from my medic days- thinking clearly about 100 other miscellaneous things while panicking), which I have included in [BRACKETS] throughout the re-telling.
So tonight I was getting ready for bed and saw a cockroach on the entertainment center. Living on the third floor, they're not a common sight (thank goodness). But anyway, my usual plan of action is to get a large wad of toilet paper (15 sheets is usually enough of a barrier but not enough to clog the toilet, I've found from several past experiences), but this thing was on a mission (still unsure of what), and I only had a split second to grab some nearby paper towels. [OMG, I CAN'T FLUSH PAPER TOWELS DOWN THE TOILET!] Well, I come back, and it's actually sitting in the same place, but as soon as I went in for the kill, it completely disappears. [OMG, I WON'T BE ABLE TO FIND IT, IT'S GOING TO WAIT UNTIL I GO TO SLEEP AND COME AND GET ME!]
After waiting it out for about 20 minutes, the cat scared it into running from under the entertainment center to the couch, about 8 feet. I had EIGHT FEET of open space to kill the darn thing, and I still couldn't get it! Every time I smushed the paper towels on it and then lifted it a bit to peek to see if I'd gotten it, it would escape! [OMG, I WON'T BE ABLE TO FIND IT AGAIN, IT'S GOING TO WAIT UNTIL I GO TO SLEEP AND COME AND GET ME!]
And some other thoughts: OMG, I'M ACTUALLY SCREAMING OUT LOUD AND THE PORCH DOOR IS WIDE OPEN, SOMEONE IS GOING TO CALL THE POLICE BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE I'M BEING ATTACKED!
So I called my parents; the line was busy. I call my mom's cell. Kelsey picks up- mom is using the home phone to repeatedly call American Idol to vote for the local, Scotty. [HOW IS THAT MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY COCKROACH CALAMITY??!] As soon as my mom comes on the line, the roach scampers out from under the couch and then runs up the door of the pantry, and this time I nailed it and didn't let go [WAIT DID I JUST SCREAM INTO THE PHONE?]. It lost a few legs on the way down (still sitting on the floor...I can't bring myself to go get them).
Anyway, I pinned it under the paper towels. Now I'm too scared to look, and there's no way to get it to the toilet. [OMG, PATRICK ISN'T GOING TO BE HERE FOR ANOTHER HOUR AND 30 MINUTES, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SIT HERE FOR...AN HOUR AND 30 MINUTES HOLDING THIS THING. WAIT, THE DOOR IS LOCKED, SO HE CAN'T GET IN......OMG!].
So, what does the logical female brain say to do?
Well, my mom's version: "find a big book and put it on top of the paper towels and then jump on it." [OMG, MOM, I CAN'T MOVE!]
So right next to me was a big box of cleaning supplies (well, mostly just febreze). I pulled out some Windex and started spraying it [OMG, WON'T IT JUST DROWN IF I KEEP SPRAYING IT???]. No, they don't drown. So I put the box on top of the paper towels, and thought to take a picture just for THIS BLOG!
Ok, again, this is female logic. At this point I was pretty sick of watching this thing sneak away, so I was prepared this time- with the thinnest magazine I could find (yes, a woman's day). Long story [slightly] short, I got the box off, slid the magazine under the paper towels [OMG HOW IS IT STILL ALIVE???]. Ran it into the bathroom and let it slide into the toilet. [OMG, I CAN'T TOUCH THE PAPER TOWELS OR THE MAGAZINE...HOW DO I THROW THEM AWAY???] Anyway, just to prove that I did it:
in case it's not obvious: cockroach in toilet
cockroach being flushed.
Yeah, so that was the story. At least it ended well (ok, not so much for the cockroach).
2 comments:
that.story.was.amazing.
YAY AMBIEN!
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