You can never practice enough

So my first official surgery that I scrubbed into last week was actually pretty thrilling.  I actually got to participate; I was given opportunities that are usually reserved for residents.  It was tough standing there for 7 hours (mostly because I was preoccupied for most of it worrying about what I would be orally grilled on), but it was amazing to stand there- opposite the surgeon- looking at a man's beating heart.  Although I can't look back and say that I made an "impressive impression" on the surgeons, I feel like I at least gained a little respect.

One thing my mentor taught me is that silence is often the biggest compliment a doctor can give a student.  Handing me the instruments during the surgery, allowing me to help open the patient's chest, was one of the biggest compliments I've gotten so far in my career.

I even got to suture!  Ok, it definitely wasn't my first time.  I'm still pretty slow but it's a skill that I've put some time into developing.  After the surgery one of the surgeons handed me an instrument used for suturing and told me, "you can never get enough practice."

And I'll honestly never forget that, especially since it can apply to everything in medicine.

So for a laugh, I'll share a picture of one of the poor washcloths that has fallen victim to my practicing.  It's hard to see, but all edges are closed! (Plus there are a few aberrant stitches and knots for fun.)

The surgical approach to reasoning

So, I haven't had a chance to post in awhile.  I started my surgery clerkship on Monday, and it's been solid 14-hour days straight, starting around 4:30am!  I've really been dreading this rotation, which is one of the major reasons I opted to do it early.  Patrick had to listen to me whine about it for a solid month, and it hadn't even started yet!

Basically each student gets assigned to a different service- plastic surgery, orthopedics, pediatrics, trauma, etc.  Well, I got assigned to cardiothoracic surgery, and it doesn't have a great reputation because of the grueling hours, long surgeries and hard-core doctors.  So I was really, really anxious about this, even though I knew it'd make me a better doctor in the end and possibly help me if I go into cardiology.

So the first few days weren't fantastic.  It's not fun waking up at 3:30am or being grilled about chest tube leaks or the innominate vein (I did not get that question right).  It's REALLY not fun getting on the nurses' black list because it's your first day and you don't know where your patient is in pre-op.

Anyway, today was actually better than I could've imagined any of this going.  No, it wasn't even a "good" day, relatively speaking, but for the first time I came home and thought, today wasn't terrible.

I'm PSYCHED!

No joke.

Anyway, I won't go into detail, but I had another epiphany in the OR (standing around for 6 hours, you have a lot of time to just think).  Standing next to the surgeons, I had a great view of the surgical field.  I saw something that was concerning, but I wasn't sure.  I was torn between staying quiet and not interrupting and not risking offending the doctors, and asking about it.

Before all of this, I was totally the person who just lets stuff go.  I'm SO bad about not telling people there is food on their face and stuff like that- I don't want to offend them (but I'd want them to tell me...so yes, I'm hypocritical).

Anyway, I reflected on this briefly (not long enough to be life-threatening or anything!), and I remembered something from OBGYN.  A pregnant woman asked a doctor about what she could or couldn't do during pregnancy, and the OB told her that most things are probably ok, but to always keep the future in mind.  If your child is born with an extra finger, are you going to blame yourself for having that one glass of wine?

I would.  So I reasoned that if something happened to the patient and I hadn't said anything, I would have blamed myself and always questioned whether or not I could have prevented a problem.

Anyway, without revealing too much: I mentioned it, it wasn't "well-received," but then it was addressed.  I will never know if that made a difference, but I know there were some problems near the end that I might have questioned myself on.  I'm not sure I would have been able to sleep at night if I hadn't, but thankfully I'm guilt-free.

Doggelganger

Honestly the funniest thing I've ever seen.  Upload a picture of yourself and it matches your face with a dog.  No joke:

The real Bandaid:

Doggelganger!!!

Another funny..

A patient wore this into her ultrasound appointment last week.  I think it'd be funnier if the mom's hand had been in the u/s with HER middle finger up instead of the kids- this mom was NOT happy to be there that day!

Maybe it's just me..

But don't these logos look a bit similar?  I definitely did a double-take when I saw United's on a commercial.

Atrocious or delicious?

It's the turducken of desserts: the ChocoOreoChip cookie!!!  I can't imagine what they'd taste like..but I have a feeling it'd be really awesome or really nasty.

my fortune cookie..

funny that this was my fortune after a crappy day, feeling like the harder I tried the worse the day went. had a lot of good people tell me that I should worry less about the details, that everything will work the way I imagined if I want it badly enough.

Doctors treat diseases, 
but they also treat people, 
and this precondition 
of their professional existence 
sometimes pulls them 
in two directions at once.


-June Goodfield

quoted in The Emperor of All Maladies: A Biography of Cancer