August 21, 2011
August 17, 2011
If only...
Tried clicking on this link and it DIDN'T work. It would've made the next few years WAY easier :).
August 15, 2011
No second chances
So I definitely had another revelation today. It's been shown that medical students are the most cynical and least altruistic during their third year. Having spent a lot of time in the field, I definitely had my period of complete bitterness and misanthropy as a paramedic, but now that I've already hit that period I thought I wouldn't go through it again. I think that everyone in the medical field, at some point early in his or her career, experiences this common feeling of frustration: the system is messed up, and it needs to be fixed. And everyone is right, except that really, it can't be fixed.
So again, I thought I was done with that. I'd moved on, accepted the fact that I can't really change the big picture, that I need to just focus on my own patients. Most importantly, I have to accept what they tell me- regardless of my feelings or opinions- except in absolutely definitive and obvious cases. And it took several years and thousands of patients to get to that point.
Anyway, this evening I realized that I'm just as cynical as I was at my lowest point and I couldn't figure out why. Walking around with Bandaid, while trying to keep him from bolting at the several groups of people he was madly barking at, I figured it out.
Really it started with me trying to figure out why people keep walking toward me and Bandaid when he is growling and barking and acting vicious, obviously making it extremely difficult for me and putting them at risk for a nasty bite (which they may or may not deserve). Or why someone gets startled when he barks, even though he or she knows a dog is right there. Why are these actions repeated over and over again, when they know what the potential consequences are??
It suddenly struck me.
But when someone does something absolutely stupid, knowing that it will lead to something else that is stupid, I get frustrated. If you don't do your homework, don't be surprised when you fail the class. If you walk into traffic, don't be surprised when you get hit by a car. If you bungee jump off of a bridge, you can't really be surprised if the cord breaks. If you snort cocaine, you're probably going to overdose or die of a heart attack. People are conditioned to NOT do stupid things from the day they are born, yet they continue to do it.
But as a medical student, I'm expected to get everything right the FIRST time. Even if I haven't seen it before. Imagine a doctor who sends a patient home with a heart attack. And then does it again. And again. This would absolutely never happen. An attending can justifiably yell at a student or intern for doing something incorrectly even if it's the first time he or she has seen it or done it.
Guess that's why perfectionists go into professions where you don't get second chances.
So again, I thought I was done with that. I'd moved on, accepted the fact that I can't really change the big picture, that I need to just focus on my own patients. Most importantly, I have to accept what they tell me- regardless of my feelings or opinions- except in absolutely definitive and obvious cases. And it took several years and thousands of patients to get to that point.
Anyway, this evening I realized that I'm just as cynical as I was at my lowest point and I couldn't figure out why. Walking around with Bandaid, while trying to keep him from bolting at the several groups of people he was madly barking at, I figured it out.
Really it started with me trying to figure out why people keep walking toward me and Bandaid when he is growling and barking and acting vicious, obviously making it extremely difficult for me and putting them at risk for a nasty bite (which they may or may not deserve). Or why someone gets startled when he barks, even though he or she knows a dog is right there. Why are these actions repeated over and over again, when they know what the potential consequences are??
It suddenly struck me.
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."I freaking get it. My cynicism has NOTHING to do with medicine, it's with people in general. When people are hurt or sick, they come to the hospital. It may just be a cold, but they haven't studied medicine intensively like I have. I can't justify getting frustrated with someone who doesn't know that it's just a cold and that antibiotics won't help at all. You can't fault the child who reaches up to the boiling pot of water and burns his hand the first time- because usually it's his last.
But when someone does something absolutely stupid, knowing that it will lead to something else that is stupid, I get frustrated. If you don't do your homework, don't be surprised when you fail the class. If you walk into traffic, don't be surprised when you get hit by a car. If you bungee jump off of a bridge, you can't really be surprised if the cord breaks. If you snort cocaine, you're probably going to overdose or die of a heart attack. People are conditioned to NOT do stupid things from the day they are born, yet they continue to do it.
But as a medical student, I'm expected to get everything right the FIRST time. Even if I haven't seen it before. Imagine a doctor who sends a patient home with a heart attack. And then does it again. And again. This would absolutely never happen. An attending can justifiably yell at a student or intern for doing something incorrectly even if it's the first time he or she has seen it or done it.
Guess that's why perfectionists go into professions where you don't get second chances.
August 12, 2011
It could always be worse.
So when I have a bad day at school (well, work now), I like to go home and google things that I will be able to afford in 20 years. These days I'm looking at gorgeous houses, looking for ideas for my own. I'd love to be able to design my own. I was going to post some of the prettiest, but I'm finding so many ridiculous ones I have to share those first.
carpeted bathroom...and a lot of other problems
I'm not really sure I understand this tub. Maybe the owner has a horse?
this is in a $500,000 house
I don't really understand this either. And it's definitely not a woman's bathroom because there's no storage space.
Um...there are no words.
This is DEFINITELY worse than anything I've ever done.
This looks like it should be in the White House or something. What's up with the teeny-tiny sconces, the huge pillars, the randomly-placed urn, the tiny dining room table, that horrible carpet, the magenta paint that's about two shades off from the rug, and that ridiculous American flag thing???
How fun would it be to watch someone fall down these steps??
August 11, 2011
The Poor Medical Student
So I know that in 10 years I'll have more money than I'll know what to do with, but right now things are tight. It's not a big deal- I'm sacrificing on some things so I can have other things (like a 2 bedroom apartment, which is more than I need, but just what I want). Here are some of the humorous and/or crazy ways I save money these days:
- Costco: can it get much better than a 24 pack of toilet paper for like $8?? Mostly I get paper towels. Between Bandaid and Patrick I go through a LOT.
- Doing my own hair: I used to spend $150 every other month for a cut and color. Now I get the box from CVS for $10 (and then use coupons to cut it down to about $2). I get an actual haircut every 2 years now, and in between I thin it out with a razor. Yep, a razor.
- Using Ebates. By the way, if you decide to sign up for it, please refer me- we'll both benefit. This website gives you cash back when you buy online..anywhere from 1% to 15%. Examples: Modcloth (3.5%), Nordstrom (5%), Barnes&Noble (6%) and a whole bunch of other sites. I've earned $85 to date just buying online!!
- Cash back credit cards: my Chase Freedom card gets me 5% back on gas right now (commuting from SC to GA for 6 weeks earned me a bunch of cash) and 1% on every other purchase. I got my first credit card when I was 18, and have never paid interest. I've probably earned over $1000 in cash rebates since then.
- Powdered milk. It lasts FOREVER.
- Keeping bread in the fridge. People either hate this or love this. I am indifferent but broke, so it stays in the fridge.
- Couponing. Ok, I'm not very good, but I'm all about saving a dollar here and there.
- Light bulbs: every light that I use has one of those super-long-lasting twisty bulbs. Just don't get the daylight ones for the bathroom: you'll either die from the brilliant burst of eye pain just after waking up or seeing every single pore on your face.
- Using contacts way too long. So this one is bad, I know. I've had a corneal ulcer from wearing them at night so I'm well aware of the dangers. But a 6 month supply is about $300. So by wearing each pair twice as long, it's now $300 for the year. Plus this year I cheated the system and got an extra 6 months without going to the ophthalmologist, saving me a $200 appointment (my insurance doesn't cover it).
- Bandaid toys: ok so sometimes I splurge on him. Ok well, a lot. But I also give him things like old socks and toilet paper roll cardboard thingies and it keeps him busy for HOURS. And it's FREE! I also cut up an old pair of jeans and made a chew toy out of them.
- Reusing plastic grocery bags. For EVERYTHING. And when my apartment complex ran out of doggie bags and briefly switched to small trash can liners instead, I stocked up on those too (I know, I'm terrible).
- Taking free food. Med school and apartment living provide lots of opportunities. I like to stock up on sealed items.
- Washing water bottles and reusing them.
- Coke points. Yep, those stupid codes on code bottle lids. I enter every single one. And I get coupons for more free coke. Hooray!
- Not going to the doctor. It is so freaking expensive! So unless I absolutely have to go, I don't. I figure when I get better insurance in 2 years I'll start going again. I feel fine at least....
- Picking up pennies: yes, if I'm not in a hurry I'll stop for a penny. I'll ALWAYS stop for a dime, though. Two years ago I found a $20 bill in a parking lot at school and went to security asking what to do with it (yes, I did). He told me to go donate it. (I donated it to Amanda's school fund.)
- Over-utilizing the shopping cart feature on websites: so I love online shopping. But it's usually stuff I don't want. So I'll put it in the shopping cart. About one out of every ten items I'll go back and actually purchase, but this has saved me a CONSIDERABLE amount of money. I still feel that rush of "kind of" buying something.
- LISTS! If you know me well, you know I can't do anything without a list. If it's not on the shopping list, 99% of the time it won't be purchased.
- Intently focusing on gas mileage. My CRV has this horrible feature that shows how much gas you're using at THAT MOMENT and also the average since you last reset the odometer. (Patrick significantly lowers these numbers when he drives my car.) Anyway, I set goals like trying to average around 28mpg by not using the AC and accelerating gently. My grandfather drilled those things into my head (and other things like not slamming car doors).
- The best one: FAMILY! My grandparents are amazing and send me some money each month, and my mom visits on occasion and helps get groceries and makes food that lasts me awhile so I don't have to buy any. This is by far the most helpful :)
One last anecdote:
In college I lived in a dorm for only one year. But they had maid service that restocked and cleaned, so each week I would steal a roll or two of toilet paper. After that, I didn't buy toilet paper for over a year. I feel like I got my $600 worth that I paid for parking that year, even though it was one-ply.
August 1, 2011
So I haven't really blogged about my clinical experience so far. It's difficult to bring up issues that I find at work, without violating privacy or sounding like an obnoxious medical student.
I think two big issues have become evident, and they are pretty general. The first is plain old kindness. I've been in both shoes: being on the patient side of things, as well as the doctor side. From a patient's point of view, I think the most important attribute a physician can have is kindness. Empathy is important, but I think if a doctor isn't innately kind you can't truly be empathetic (and it's obvious when it's fake). Knowledge is important, but you can train anyone to be a doctor- and you can Google or refer anything. But over the past month, I've found that this is a two-way street. The patient has to be kind, too. I understand that many people in a hospital are at a low point in their life, but being rude or ungrateful can have a negative effect on a provider.
When I know that I'm about to go see an angry patient, everything in me wants to run out the door and back home. I try not to let it affect me, but I definitely feel more inclined to help and work with a patient who isn't judgmental or impatient or rude. As a paramedic, I saw this type of patient every day, but I could drop them off at a hospital and never see them again. I didn't have to see them over and over for chronic problems like I do now. Anyway, if you find yourself getting upset with a physician, take a step back: is this doctor tired or overworked? Who else has this doctor had to deal with today? Am I doing everything the doctor says to do, and nothing of what the doctor says not to do?
I can't even honestly say that I'm a good patient or never demanding. But being on the other side, I know how much else there is to deal with.
The other big topic I've found that is lacking is family support. I'm not really sure what we as clinicians can do to improve this, other than to increase awareness among family members. I wish I could tell the story of a patient I saw today, who, like many other patients, emotionally needs support from those close to her. Imagine being in the hospital without family or friends. Or having major life-saving surgery and not getting any flowers or visitors.
I could only imagine how terrible that would be. I know how important the patient's optimism and mental state is to the success of a surgery, as well as throughout the healing process. It has to be detrimental to feel utterly alone during the toughest part of one's life. Who doesn't want to wake up from anesthesia surrounded by those you love?? And the biggest question is who doesn't want to be there for a loved one??
Anyway, these are things I have little control over. But seeing it from the other side makes me more aware as a patient and as a family member.
I think two big issues have become evident, and they are pretty general. The first is plain old kindness. I've been in both shoes: being on the patient side of things, as well as the doctor side. From a patient's point of view, I think the most important attribute a physician can have is kindness. Empathy is important, but I think if a doctor isn't innately kind you can't truly be empathetic (and it's obvious when it's fake). Knowledge is important, but you can train anyone to be a doctor- and you can Google or refer anything. But over the past month, I've found that this is a two-way street. The patient has to be kind, too. I understand that many people in a hospital are at a low point in their life, but being rude or ungrateful can have a negative effect on a provider.
When I know that I'm about to go see an angry patient, everything in me wants to run out the door and back home. I try not to let it affect me, but I definitely feel more inclined to help and work with a patient who isn't judgmental or impatient or rude. As a paramedic, I saw this type of patient every day, but I could drop them off at a hospital and never see them again. I didn't have to see them over and over for chronic problems like I do now. Anyway, if you find yourself getting upset with a physician, take a step back: is this doctor tired or overworked? Who else has this doctor had to deal with today? Am I doing everything the doctor says to do, and nothing of what the doctor says not to do?
I can't even honestly say that I'm a good patient or never demanding. But being on the other side, I know how much else there is to deal with.
The other big topic I've found that is lacking is family support. I'm not really sure what we as clinicians can do to improve this, other than to increase awareness among family members. I wish I could tell the story of a patient I saw today, who, like many other patients, emotionally needs support from those close to her. Imagine being in the hospital without family or friends. Or having major life-saving surgery and not getting any flowers or visitors.
I could only imagine how terrible that would be. I know how important the patient's optimism and mental state is to the success of a surgery, as well as throughout the healing process. It has to be detrimental to feel utterly alone during the toughest part of one's life. Who doesn't want to wake up from anesthesia surrounded by those you love?? And the biggest question is who doesn't want to be there for a loved one??
Anyway, these are things I have little control over. But seeing it from the other side makes me more aware as a patient and as a family member.
July 29, 2011
when it rains..
I'm definitely in a twitter mindset (140 characters or less) now that I'm a third year...have to conserve time! This morning's events, however, take up a bit more space....
Got the day off from work to take care of my car registration which is being switched to SC (the NC insurance company took 2 years to realize I no longer lived there- great for me, my dad paid for it). Anyway, I paid the property taxes yesterday afternoon, and woke up early this morning to go to the DMV. The first thing I realize is that I cannot find the insurance information that I got in the mail YESTERDAY. I was extremely tired last night but did a bunch of filing, so it's probably in the Bandaid folder stuck to the back of his last vet record...anyway, after about an hour of searching I gave up and just printed off the temporary card (which it turns out later I didn't even need).
So I get into my car and realize that I don't have any gas. So I got gas.
Then I pulled into the DMV and realized they don't do first-time registration. Had to go in and ask which locations do them (that was not listed online). So it was either downtown or North Charleston...figured I was closer to downtown but it'd be busy. So on the way I had a brilliant idea- to pick up my prescription from the MUSC pharmacy while I was downtown. It wasn't so bad after all!
So I call the pharmacy while driving, and of course, I had no refills. My prescription was on my fridge (which I specifically looked at this morning trying to find my insurance), and my badge for parking was in my bag on the dining table. I'd have to go home and come back. (Unfortunately, MUSC's prices for some meds are SO much cheaper and I won't be back in Charleston for several weeks.)
So I get to the DMV. Except no where on any of the signs does it indicate that there is a DMV inside. Walked in, found it. Full. VERY FULL. Got a number.
After about 20 minutes of waiting, I hear a man with a very thick accent above the noise of the crowd. He was really, really angry. Apparently he got stopped by the police and didn't have proof of insurance. So he believes that since everything is electronic, they should be able to just look it up on their computer. Apparently police don't keep those records (hence why you get asked for it), because it changes so frequently.
Anyway, this guy yells about how it is inconveniencing him to have to come wait in a line for several hours. Yeah, well it's an inconvenience for me too. Except I'm there to do something LEGAL whereas he is there for something ILLEGAL. But I still have to wait. I wanted to ask him what he was being kept from. A critical patient? A dying family member? An important business transaction? (I suspect it was more along the lines of lunch in front of a TV somewhere.)
So I know my luck has been bad this morning. But it gets worse. This idiot comes and sits down RIGHT NEXT TO ME. He fidgets for a bit, then gets back up (sigh of relief) and yells some more. A manager came out and tried to talk to him. He says he's going to file complaints. Then, of course, he comes back and sits next to me.
So after about an hour, I finally get called. Well, apparently I didn't fill out the back of the form. Luckily the DMV lady didn't make me sit back down. I'm filling it out, forget some information, and flip through my staff of papers. Darn if my dad hadn't already filled out all the paperwork. So I hand it to the lady, and she gives me a dirty look. She clearly asked me, "did YOU actually sign these," and I have to explain that it was a week ago and that I did indeed sign it myself.
So I got my license plate and registration.
Then I went to get my oil changed. Luckily there was almost no line (wow! My luck has changed!). But then the man behind the counter starts talking. And talking. And I mention (don't ask why) that it's a bit overdue for an oil change. He told me I needed an "@$$ whooping" for not doing it on time. Then he says some other stuff about the old owner who recently just disappeared, and then repeated the whooping part. So I tried to deflect and said that my boyfriend was supposed to do it for me. (Sorry Patrick.) Then the guy tells me that HE needs an @$$ whooping and that I should probably find a new boyfriend.
Anyway, I try to end the conversation quickly. So I sit down (nowhere to go, of course). And then I overhear the new owner guy talking with one of the mechanics...they've drained my oil but the supplier forgot to drop off more oil this morning. ARE YOU KIDDING? They have no oil.
(Ok they eventually get oil, so that gets resolved). But the worst part was listening to this guy talk. He kept talking about how important customer service is (guess that includes SUGGESTING but not giving @$$ whoopings), and how he would never do stuff like other places (which he proceeded to go into detail about). He gave lots of examples of other customers, which I thought wasn't very professional. Apparently another guy waiting outside was from Savannah (I mentioned I was staying there...longer story), and the owner guy was like, "OMIGOSH you can take him back to Savannah!" Apparently the guy's wife is in the hospital here, his car is broken, and he needs to get back to Savannah. I can't believe he a) told me this and b) told me I could drive him to Savannah.
Anyway, there was a lot more but I won't bore you with the details. I went all the way back home, all the way back to downtown Charleston, then to James Island for some work shoes, and then got stuck in an accident on the way home. Luckily after that things settled down.
Hopefully the weekend will be less eventful.
Got the day off from work to take care of my car registration which is being switched to SC (the NC insurance company took 2 years to realize I no longer lived there- great for me, my dad paid for it). Anyway, I paid the property taxes yesterday afternoon, and woke up early this morning to go to the DMV. The first thing I realize is that I cannot find the insurance information that I got in the mail YESTERDAY. I was extremely tired last night but did a bunch of filing, so it's probably in the Bandaid folder stuck to the back of his last vet record...anyway, after about an hour of searching I gave up and just printed off the temporary card (which it turns out later I didn't even need).
So I get into my car and realize that I don't have any gas. So I got gas.
Then I pulled into the DMV and realized they don't do first-time registration. Had to go in and ask which locations do them (that was not listed online). So it was either downtown or North Charleston...figured I was closer to downtown but it'd be busy. So on the way I had a brilliant idea- to pick up my prescription from the MUSC pharmacy while I was downtown. It wasn't so bad after all!
So I call the pharmacy while driving, and of course, I had no refills. My prescription was on my fridge (which I specifically looked at this morning trying to find my insurance), and my badge for parking was in my bag on the dining table. I'd have to go home and come back. (Unfortunately, MUSC's prices for some meds are SO much cheaper and I won't be back in Charleston for several weeks.)
So I get to the DMV. Except no where on any of the signs does it indicate that there is a DMV inside. Walked in, found it. Full. VERY FULL. Got a number.
After about 20 minutes of waiting, I hear a man with a very thick accent above the noise of the crowd. He was really, really angry. Apparently he got stopped by the police and didn't have proof of insurance. So he believes that since everything is electronic, they should be able to just look it up on their computer. Apparently police don't keep those records (hence why you get asked for it), because it changes so frequently.
Anyway, this guy yells about how it is inconveniencing him to have to come wait in a line for several hours. Yeah, well it's an inconvenience for me too. Except I'm there to do something LEGAL whereas he is there for something ILLEGAL. But I still have to wait. I wanted to ask him what he was being kept from. A critical patient? A dying family member? An important business transaction? (I suspect it was more along the lines of lunch in front of a TV somewhere.)
So I know my luck has been bad this morning. But it gets worse. This idiot comes and sits down RIGHT NEXT TO ME. He fidgets for a bit, then gets back up (sigh of relief) and yells some more. A manager came out and tried to talk to him. He says he's going to file complaints. Then, of course, he comes back and sits next to me.
So after about an hour, I finally get called. Well, apparently I didn't fill out the back of the form. Luckily the DMV lady didn't make me sit back down. I'm filling it out, forget some information, and flip through my staff of papers. Darn if my dad hadn't already filled out all the paperwork. So I hand it to the lady, and she gives me a dirty look. She clearly asked me, "did YOU actually sign these," and I have to explain that it was a week ago and that I did indeed sign it myself.
So I got my license plate and registration.
Then I went to get my oil changed. Luckily there was almost no line (wow! My luck has changed!). But then the man behind the counter starts talking. And talking. And I mention (don't ask why) that it's a bit overdue for an oil change. He told me I needed an "@$$ whooping" for not doing it on time. Then he says some other stuff about the old owner who recently just disappeared, and then repeated the whooping part. So I tried to deflect and said that my boyfriend was supposed to do it for me. (Sorry Patrick.) Then the guy tells me that HE needs an @$$ whooping and that I should probably find a new boyfriend.
Anyway, I try to end the conversation quickly. So I sit down (nowhere to go, of course). And then I overhear the new owner guy talking with one of the mechanics...they've drained my oil but the supplier forgot to drop off more oil this morning. ARE YOU KIDDING? They have no oil.
(Ok they eventually get oil, so that gets resolved). But the worst part was listening to this guy talk. He kept talking about how important customer service is (guess that includes SUGGESTING but not giving @$$ whoopings), and how he would never do stuff like other places (which he proceeded to go into detail about). He gave lots of examples of other customers, which I thought wasn't very professional. Apparently another guy waiting outside was from Savannah (I mentioned I was staying there...longer story), and the owner guy was like, "OMIGOSH you can take him back to Savannah!" Apparently the guy's wife is in the hospital here, his car is broken, and he needs to get back to Savannah. I can't believe he a) told me this and b) told me I could drive him to Savannah.
Anyway, there was a lot more but I won't bore you with the details. I went all the way back home, all the way back to downtown Charleston, then to James Island for some work shoes, and then got stuck in an accident on the way home. Luckily after that things settled down.
Hopefully the weekend will be less eventful.
July 19, 2011
Must love pink...or pottery barn
I'm super busy with school but there isn't much to comment on. So instead of reflecting on that, I'll take a few seconds to reflect on what I'd like if I wasn't a student (and therefore not broke).
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